Fingers Crossed.

Here's hoping he pulls through.

"THE LOLLIPOP man who sustained serious head injuries in an accident in Dalgety Bay on Friday was “critical” in hospital at the weekend, police said. The 55-year-old, who has not been named, was guarding a crossing on Regents Way in the town at about 9am when he was involved in a collision with a car. He had just escorted a group of children on their way to Dalgety Bay Primary School across the busy road when the accident happened."

Carry Out?

It would appear the new Forth Road Bridge could be wht world's biggest ever Chinese takeaway. But surely it would make more sense to have it constructed in the UK, and better even, in Scotland?

"THE SCOTTISH government faces calls to clarify whether it intends to build the £2 billion new Forth Road Bridge in China after a report leaked to the Sunday Herald indicated that this was the preferred option. The unpublished report by consultant Jacobs Arup, drawn up in response to options previously laid out by project manager Transport Scotland, only mentions China as a place being considered for manufacturing the main "decking" surface of the bridge. Given that Transport Scotland previously listed China as one of three possible destinations for the work along with Continental Europe and the UK, it will raise questions as to whether the country was subsequently narrowed down to be the main priority."

Spiderman.

Carnegie thought that climbing the Bridge cables in the first place was a bit crazy, but does it really make sense to lock someone with an apparent drink problem up for seven months? Surely they could have been forced to do something more socially productive to make them realise the error of their ways?

The reality anyway is that they will be lucky to serve a couple of months given that sentencing policy these days is nonsensical.

"A DRUNK who climbed one of the main cables on the Forth Road Bridge, forcing the police to close the crossing for two hours, has been jailed for seven months. Ross Wilson told bridge staff he had a drink problem as he climbed on to the cable and said there was nothing anyone could do for him. The men from the Forth Estuary Transport Authority (FETA) tried to talk him down, but soon lost sight of him in the darkness. Wilson made it all the way to the top of the north-west tower before climbing back down to sit on the safety railing with his legs dangling over the edge about 150 feet above the river."

Pole-Axed.

"A DUNFERMLINE dance instructor is being inundated with requests from West Fife women after starting a seemingly risqué new fitness class – pole dancing."

Carnegie never realised that Fife was such a cosmopolitan place. Dancing around the may pole was the nearest Carnegie ever got to this sort of thing in his youth.

Mystery?

Carnegie thinks it is all very strange. But presumably there must be some other way of verifying the outcome of the by-election? Then again perhaps not if the record of who actually voted is missing.

"THE ONLY official record of who voted in a Westminster by-election that rocked the political world has mysteriously gone missing placing a question mark over the result. In a surprise result in November last year, Labour won the Glenrothes by-election with a 6737 majority over the SNP. All the major parties, including Labour on election night itself, had predicted that the nationalists would narrowly win the seat, which borders Prime Minister Gordon’s Brown’s constituency."

That's Fife. Or is it?

Busted.

Great news that the cops have managed to take so much illegal drugs off the Fife market, but it gives you an insight into the drugs underworld which is operating in the Kingdom.

"Fife Police are closing in on £3 million of drugs seized in the last 12 months after two raids in the west of the region. An estimated £60,000 of Class A drugs, including more than half a kilogram of heroin and a quantity of cocaine, was discovered at a house in Inverkeithing last week. In Cowdenbeath, a cannabis plantation thought to be worth around £11,000 was discovered."

Bad News.

It looks as though the economic recession has hit home again in Fife. Carnegie was hoping a way would be found to save the jobs of the remaining Cemtron workers, but that obviously hasn't been possible given the current climate. Here's hoping they can get new jobs, even in the current recession.

"DALGETY BAY electronics firm Cemtron yesterday announced the company is set for closure and will make 47 workers redundant with immediate effect. The remaining 33 staff will be kept on to complete current orders until the end of February. Tenon Recovery have kept the company trading since it went into administration in early October, shedding 41 jobs as a result of trading losses, cash flow and funding difficulties."

Man From Carbuncle?

"THE DECISION to award Glenrothes with the title of Scotland’s most dismal town has been met with anger by local politicians. Tricia Marwick MSP and Lindsay Roy MP have criticised the organisers of the Carbuncle Awards, who yesterday presented the award to the town after calling its shopping precinct “ugly and depressing.”

Carngeie doesn't think it is that bad. He has seen worse. Even in Fife.

Pulling Strings.

Getting Kofi Annan to turn up in Fife clearly has nothing to do with the fact he was invited by the Prime Minister of course who coincidentally happens to be the Chancellor of Adam Smith College.

"PRIME MINISTER Gordon Brown has welcomed the news that former UN secretary-general Kofi Annan is scheduled to give a talk in his constituency later this year. It was confirmed yesterday that Mr Annan is expected to deliver this year’s Adam Smith Lecture in Kirkcaldy after a request by Mr Brown to do so. The lecture, which is held at Adam Smith College’s St Brycedale campus in Kirkcaldy, is designed to commemorate the life and work of Kirkcaldy’s most famous son and the world’s first economist, Adam Smith."

Well done Gordon.

Joke.

Carnegie doesn't have any sympathy with abuse of animals and even has qualms about visiting the zoo, but even he can draw the line at fish that are caught for food.

"AN ANIMAL rights organisation has jumped on the success of a Fife chip shop to promote its message. People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals (PETA) has urged the Anstruther Fish Bar, which was named the best fish and chip shop in the UK last week, to change its name to Anstruther Sea Kitten Bar. The ‘tongue-in-cheek’ publicity stunt follows the launch of their organisation’s Save The Sea Kittens campaign to encourage people to show compassion for fish and other marine life by referring to them as sea kittens."

PETA should focus on fighting some of the more serious forms of cruelty to animals and leave the fish alone.

Cutbacks.

"THE Labour Party is calling for a cull of Fife Council’s high-earning bosses. They believe there are too many chiefs at the local authority and want to cut up to £1 million on salaries paid out to top officers by reducing their numbers. The proposal comes after it emerged that the wage bill for the Kingdom’s senior officials is higher than that for Scotland’s biggest council."

Councils should always be keeping their administraive structures under review, but Carnegie would highlight that the current structure was largely built up by previous administrations running Fife Council, which were, of course, until May 2007 ... Labour controlled.

Are there too many chiefs in Fife?

Nutty.

"MONTHLY collections of grey refuse bins are to be introduced in Fife in a move branded as “complete stupidity”. The four-weekly pick-ups – which are expected to cause an uproar in whichever area is selected – will be tried out in a pilot scheme but could be rolled out across the Kingdom. It is one of three options being trialled by the council as it attempts to improve its record on dumping food waste in landfill sites to avoid huge environmental fines. It wants food stuffs to be put in the brown bins beside garden material which, in theory, should mean less going into the grey bins."

Fife Council already has one of the higest recycling rates in Scotland so this idea really does stink. A bit like your bins will if the Council presses ahead with the idea. Fifers should be inundating their Liberal and SNP Councillors now to get them to drop the idea.

Caught Short.

Carnegie doesn't think it can be that difficult to pour a correctly measured drink for someone. Can it?

"DRINKERS IN Fife are not getting a fair deal, a survey of pub measures has revealed, with more than half falling short ... Trading standards officers from Fife Council visited 27 pubs across the region and ordered 54 “samples” to find out if staff were complying with the Weights and Measures Act 1985, which requires spirits including gin, rum, vodka and whisky to be sold in quantities of 25ml or 35ml. A total of 33 of the samples were short of the required amount—some by almost a third. At the other end of the scale, the officers were served 18 over-generous measures. Again, the margin for error reached around 30% in some cases. Only three of the 54 measures tested were correct."

The New Bridge.

The first images of what the new Fife Bridge could look like.

Canopy.

Were you wondering why the Forth Road Bridge will be totally closed for a few nights next week and the week after? Well wonder no more.

"THE FORTH Road Bridge will be closed in both directions overnight during two phases of work next week and the week after. No traffic will be allowed to cross between 12.30 and 3.30 in the mornings on Tuesday to Friday and January 27 to 30 to allow the canopy at the bridge’s south tower to be removed. It was put in place to protect traffic from any dropped objects while the tower above was being painted."

Canopy no more.

Let There Be Light.

"TRANSPORT SCOTLAND has rejected calls to install lighting on the Clackmannanshire Bridge. The government body carried out a safety assessment before the bridge opening in November which decided lights were not required. However, Kincardine councillor Willie Ferguson supports the installation and claims lighting was in the original plans."

Did you know that the Clackmannanshire Bridge didn't have any lights on it? Is that safe?

Bridge Too Far?

It would appear that Carnegie isn't the only one thinking that maybe the massive reductions in the cost of the proposed new Forth Road Bridge didn't come at no cost.

"FIFE POLITICIANS have warned of the importance of getting the new Forth bridge project right first time. MSP John Park has voiced his fears the new bridge will be out of date as soon as it opens. Late last year cut-price plans—costing anything from £1.72 billion to £2.34 billion—for the new bridge were announced as the centrepiece of the Scottish Government’s strategic transport projects review. The massive cut in the original estimate of building a £4.2 billion replacement crossing came with a major design rethink."

Can you really cut over two billion pounds out of the cost of the new Bridge without it having any impact?

Caravan.

So it would appear that caravanners are not happy at the fare levels on the new Rosyth ferry.

"THE FARES on the new Rosyth to Zeebrugge ferry have been heavily criticised by motorcycle and caravan enthusiasts. Prices announced by Norfolkline in mid-December came in higher than many expected, set at a similar level to previous operators Superfast. Retired caravan owner Dave Gordon, from Dundee, has made the crossing several times but now recommends travelling from English ports. He said, “When the Rosyth ferry first started it kept getting more expensive every year until there were not a lot of people willing to pay it. “Now, the minimum caravan return fare from Rosyth is £760, while the minimum from Hull is just £304."

£760 to take your caravan to the Continent does seem a bit steep to Carnegie, and it doesn't bode well for the future success of the ferry if they are facing criticism about fares even before they have started the service.

Calendar Boys.

A pat on the back to the guys of Aberdour for their braving the elements in the name of charity.

"MEN getting their kit off on a cold December morning by the seaside raised more than a few eyebrows down Aberdour way. For the village’s very own calendar guys have raised around £1000 for charity. Thirteen baredevil bar regulars at the Cedar Inn got their kit off last month to star in a calendar to raise cash for the Cystic Fibrosis Trust."

It's for charity and here's hoping they raise a lot of cash for a good cause.

On The Sick - Not.

"FIFE’S TEACHERS are among the best in the country when it comes to being off work through illness. Figures produced by Fife Council reveal that 3.7% of working days were lost because of ill health during 2007/8, a rate bettered by only 10 of Scotland’s 32 local authorities, ahead of the Scottish average of 3.9%."

Carnegie applauds the dedication of Fife's teachers who are obviously better than most of their Scottish colleagues in avoiding the temptations of the Duvet Day.

Happy Ne-erday.